I have huge expectations but Ive accepted that hes not the guy that throw big surprises and continue to fear that the more I lower my expectations, the more he thinks im willing to settle for less even after his military is over. BUT both have to put in the work and if its not happening the work then its not happening and we are settling. And acts like a concerned boyfriend if I dont immediately respond. I appreciate when he does make effort and try to acknowledge it but it quickly goes away like he doesnt mean it. We currently are not speaking its been three days, and this has been the longest fight weve ever had, since we always try fixing it right away and I feel like weve just gotten so exhausted and Ive just been so sad over the lack of effort he used to give. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months weve known each other for quite a while in the 1st couple months was wonderful we talked a lot did stuff together laugh together he started working more and didnt have as much time is energy but I noticed that hes working obsessive until he absolute collapses he makes no time for me he keeps saying I cant wait till we have time again when I get these jobs done but nothing is an emergency hes not strapped financially he doesnt have to complete these things as fast as he does I go to his house and sleep a lot of nights with him thats kind of all were doing anymore were not even having sex but if I dont sleep over he calls me and text me I miss you so much I love you so much but he wont actually put in any effort to do anything with me Im so confused about about it Ive lowered my expectations again and again and hes just been just disconnected just not really even present Its like he knows he has me and he can just put me on a shelf until he feels like paying attention to me again and its not enough for me but I love him I know he loves me I dont know why he doesnt get it that this relationship is gonna die if he doesnt keep starving it. When you get his attention, never hesitate to say your mind. It has created a balance to where I dont feel exhausted with trying to keep things going. He went out and bought 48 roses he surprised me with though out the day for Valentines day and took me out for a really nice dinner- he even planned having sexy time (which got postponed finishing). Hello Laurie, thank you for writing the article. This is really helpful. "I stopped trying altogether," he said. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. I got upset and she said she was done being friends with me so yeah that happened. Thats when we actually started to spend more than a few hours together and he really started to behave like he was in love. Hes him. :'(. Getting older I desired to go on dates more and more. As well as this, I makes me question if he is speaking to other females behind my back again. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. I was 15 when we got together and he is like my best friend I love him very much the problem is, I just feel like I do everything I can to make him feel comfortable and cared for and he does very little at all. Were both divorced. but is a single text or a goodmorning too much to ask? On the other hand, if your man is more independent and hes not used Im not sure where you landed with your relationship, but I hope things are better for you. The point is if a man cares enough about his future wife and son would he want them to be safe and help them move to become a family.. Kiki, I do not like what you said about being the one who travels back and forth. I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. He begged and begged for me to forgive him, that it was mistake. I dont want to much. Text messages are very slow to respond, I dont text him ten times a day either. I help him with college work a lot, and he often expresses to me how he feels so much calmer and relaxed when were together (which is true because his mood just completely changes and hes always so happy). I know that feeling. Then he complains when I dont cook dinner after working 10 hours a day, I work four-10 hour days, and says all I know how to cook is chicken, which Im a great cook, he is just too lazy to do anything what so ever. And when I ask him what hes been doing that he cant call me, he gives me horrible excuses. If you ever need a friend dont hesitate to reach out. My boyfriend and I started with a lot of stress in our relationship. My future husband and I live 13 hrs apart.. Today I found out that hes planning a trip to Rhode Island to hang out with his cohort in May and has even already booked the hotel yet hes not said a word to me. He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. I found a way thomy school computer so yeah. He seems to always have excuses. Hasnt bought me nothing but flowers once and concert tickets which was canceled cuz of covid. im going through the same thing my boyfriend will not text me nor will he call me when i text him again he reply and said his mother getting on his nerve he goes to her house to take care of her he said he been going through alot with his mom very upset but my thing is what about me where do i fit into your life i dont even know if were still in a relationship my daughter say dont text or call him we been together over a year hes 52 im 55 what should i do im lost, Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. I dont know how much longer I can go with it. My youngest is a 1 month and when she was about two weeks old he met this girl on a bar while hanging out with his best friend and got her number. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. "Life happens and things often get in the way of plans you and your partner may have made," says dating expert and counselorDavida Rappaport. Then we signed our new real lease together and I dont know how we got where we got but he started getting lazy. This guy isnt my boyfriend but we met in a way that would almost seen like fate. I realized how I stopped wearing some clothes because he didnt like them, for example. Ive asked him to work on this and as the article says, he says he will and he does..for about a half a day. And the only way to do that to take more care of our own selves, love ourselves moretruly love our self! Its easy for him to say he crashed at a friends, but let him get over the guilt or offers an explanation before he comes back. pandemic and there is nothing to do. My bday in Jan and our 5 year anniversary/V-tines Day was a sh*t show. How much do you know about his life, family, friends and job? IT IS A VERY HUGE PROBLEM. I cut out all those smiley-faced emoticons he avoided and texted one-word answers sometimes, just like he would. I had a quarantine birthday and got a ton of messages and phone calls from everyone, but from him? In the beginning, I used to be very demanding and unreasonable towards my boyfriend when he didnt meet my expectations and basically caused him to withdraw emotionally and he stopped trying. I was still jus tholding it together because at least I have my boyfriend who will care for me for once instead of me constantly caring for others needs! I try to sit and talk about things and he rejects or belittles my input. But he reminds me almost daily that he thinks Im lazy and should be working at if Im not in school. Monday rolls around, nothing. Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. We were together 8 months. Keep in mind, he does suffer from depression here and there where he has no energy at times and finds no pleasure in anything. i simply dont understand this. I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. What Im gonna do? Someone needs to get off if it cant be discussed and decisions made together to improve what doesnt work for one or the other. Right now hes not even talking to me. He is separated with 4 kids and a selfish demanding ex wife who took everything she could from him while they were together. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. He makes money but spends his money on the wrong thing. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. I know thats not what you want to hear. I am alone in this relationship.? He said he wanted to have a deeper talk about expectations and his four years old son before we can be official. I dont want a father figure, i want a man that i love to show love to me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. Hes a good man but not romantic, lately I been feeling like I been putting in all the work & carrying the relationship. I have been with my bf for 5 years. He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. He spends hours playing videogames and if I want us to go to bed together I always have to be waiting for him till 4 in the morning even when I have classes at 9, and when I wanna go to bed earlier I cant even sleep because of the noise and flashing lights of the videogame. Such as examples of what he did made you feel a certain way and what was the real reason he did that? Weve been together for 5 years. He had a past and opened up to me about it and we were just a rlly good couple. Its sad when other give you the compliments that you are looking from in one person. Im so embarassed and devastated plus the sex he didnt touch me but he kiss me but I understand because I only give him minutes. I want to be with him but Im also scared that Im wasting my young years and wake up one day regretting not leaving bc he isnt going to change how he is for me or at least try for me. Always honest. Not fair and a relationship is 2 waysSince you have a Son and a new job would NOT recommend that you move to him. NO CLEANING. This person flakes when we have plans even after I said that Im not here for that. The first 5 he was boyfriend of the year. You need to allow yourself to do something else. his excuse of not having quality time? I may be demanding at times but I definitely know I deserve more than the effort hes willing to put in. But there were also a couple of red flags like he wouldnt make concrete plans with me ahead of time, he would just tell me Saturday afternoon that he was ready for me to come over if I wanted. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. And im an amazing girlfriend. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. Psychologically, the pressure was destroying me. My boyfriend is 22 years my senior and weve been dating over 8 months. He didnt want to and i ended up cheating. Youre worth someone who is your equal. Just my opinion. Im so tired picking up after someone that cant even lift a finger to help me clean the mess he made. He tried and invited me to a restaurant 2 times but that has stopped as well now. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. But I genuinely hope this would be of help (to you and to anyone whos going through a similar scenario). He always tells me that he loves me and always talks about the future seriously, but honestly it just feels like I just have to take his word for it. I really love him but he is not doing anything to build connections. So, I believe I know him very well. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. He tells me I could come over to his familys Thanksgiving, but only after everyone has left and only for leftovers (aka forgo my Thanksgiving dinner with my family and eat reheated sides). My boyfriend made no effort for my birthday and sent me a 2 line email and when I expressed my disappointment didnt speak to me for days. I feel like I could spend my life with him if it were not for one issue that has always popped up. Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. I truly dont know what to do.. Ive been with my bf for 3 years now and were expecting. From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. Its just so sad because we have already talked about these no showing of efforts issue and up until this day it is still the same. is dealing with the pressure of having other things on their mind, such as an achingly difficult work project or personal and/or familial issues that sap them of the energy to deal with little else. He is not interested in knowing what my love language is. .he is older than me 5 years older and I started dating him because I thought he was mature but every time we fought he puts me down telling me Im fat, Im disgusting, no one will ever want meabout a year ago I went through something where I needed all the support I could get and he left me and didnt have my back..10 years later we have no sex and its always in excuse as to why we are not having ithe continues to call me names and everytime I tell him my true feelings it seems like he dosent care, Ive asked him if he would like to try and start all over because I would still wanna be with him and he agrees and says yes and once again we keep going like through this cycle that never ends..I just wanna be happy at this point I dont know why he dosent try a little harder but Im tired. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. I dont think my boyfriend knows how to deal with someone like me. he has a 9-5 job and all he ever wanna do is go home and game after and its not that i mind but is it rlly hard to jst have dinner w me for once? But we should start taking care of ourselves more. That didnt rlly happen he didnt last a day without me. He says it just happened because we live in the same house, so it doesnt matter. It takes a lot of patience and time. This is where my first question comes in: how well do you know your boyfriend? So many thoughts, so many scenarios. I am slowly trying to make new friendships and to enjoy myself with people who love me. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, Listen to your intuition, it never lies. We had romantic dates and fell in love at first sight. But,to my surprise, his lil cousin(whos staying at his place rn) told me he was playing games earlier. Hi I have been in relation with my boyfriend for 3 months now. Now I am sitting alone in my room crying and reading online articles about how to feel better about myself. And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. Apologize when wrong Be honest. Anything and Everything in hopes he would think maybe he should do the same. It took him 2 days to notice something. I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. Somewhere around the last 2-3 months have been nothing but fights. Yes leave him. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you it breaks my heart that despite all my efforts still i been judged as a selfish gf. No girl its perfectly normal to miss how things where in the beginning! Yesterday he said he had tried to write in his journal in the morning but it was took dark and did not want to wake me. Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. The lady was there, I was so angry, I wanted to punch her for lying tto me, but my guy was protecting her, he was even telling me to live his house, he humiliated me in front of her, he came last week to my place and tried explaining things, he even spent the night at my house, I feel so stupid, because he is not putting any effort to fix things between us, I feel so stupid for letting him spent the night in my house, why do I still love him even after he has clearly heart broken me, will I ever move from this nightmare? He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. It makes me feel like 1: he now feels a connection with this woman he does not with me and that is why he feels so contemptuous towards me all the time now 2: pissed off that he KNOWS it bothers me, is not able to understand why I feel that way and simply disregards my feelings maybe even doing it on purpose?? Please tell me whatbi should do. And I decided Ive had enough, and it wasnt even a full month yet! I just feel stupid and I kinda want to give up on him. I talk about this with him. Find yourself then get to understand your mate emotionally and mentally. Also, since he fundamentally had no place to live when quarantine first began his ex wife paid for a month for his AirBnB and he said he couldnt tell her about me yet. I live in London and met him just outside the city and weve been together 5 years this summer but we are currently having ZERO sex he texts me NEVER and calls me NEVER! I really wanted to talk to her siblings and parents and friends but he doesnt like the idea because he said his father and friends do not like me because I am not Lebanese. It sucks not feeling secure but really if its meant to be it will be. I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. Hes really bad at texting and sometimes we dont really talk on the phone cause he said he was tired. Over time, it wore away at me, he was only putting back in 10%. But he never tells me how he feels when I ask. He comes to stay here but thats it really. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. ! And then what we talked about was not set in stone and that things change. on the same note, say for example he does or says something that hurts my feelings or upsets me a great deal, not only does he refuse to apologize, but he doesnt make any attempt to correct the situation. He needs a chill pill and a real wake up call and renewed investment in life vs his career. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. For example, his car broke down in a town more then an hour away. Your boyfriend is a narcissist. We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? She threatened to send my bf to jail idk how tho. I am not sure what to think or how to react, I really like him and he is a good respectable person. He Is Going Through Something When I ask, he gives me some reasons. Ive mentioned his lack of effort and he did take it on bored but recently Im seeing a slip into his old ways. Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. Im an emotional person but I always try to talk and let him know Im upset so that he knows not to act a certain way. His family are complicated, we rushed into our relationship, live together almost 5 years. We live like 30-35 minutes away but I have friends who have relationships similar and they see their boyfriends all the time. Everything has started crumbling over the last few months. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. When he wants to intimate with me i have told him severl times i do not trust you,because i couldnt forget that incident. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker Lauren Korshak, one major reason could be that they are suffering from a crisis. Its been hard but there are better things to come. I dont always have it my way though because hes dealing with personal problems that have stretched for months. He still did not make much of an effort as far as even coming to visit me. WebI was recently "set up" by a friend by him giving my number to a friend he thought would be a good match for me. LOVE IS AWESOME BUT GUESS WHAT HERE I AM 8 YEARS LATER AND HE STILL DOESNT CLEAN , STILL DRINKS. Its been almost two years and weve been inseparable ever since but lately it seems like something has changed. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. He started withdrawing from me after I asked him 2-3 times to hang out and do things with me. I started skate boarding and going to the skate park. Thats not enough for any relationship! So Im telling myself to just treat him like an acquaintance and move on with my life, but still find myself getting triggered on the daily by this baffling behavior. I recently just been promoted to a great job.. Ive told him why I need contact to stay connected to each other n to feel secure n have fun. I started breaking down on zoom and crying. Thank you for taking the time to type the words in your comment. Date. He Is Nervous. If your partner doesn't pay attention to you, it could come down to one of the six signs below. He is playing you and gas lightning you! Then we start texting, he seems fine again and things are good and a month or so later it happens again. Its sad. WebiStock. He has learning and growing to do. I sacrifice so much for him & he doesnt even show it. I stayed because I felt that I deserved to hear those things, I was being enlightened about what others saw in me but were just too polite to say to me. Maybe I just need to not be so dependent and work on myself. Stopped fantasies and games and generally sexual desire towards me about 2-3 years ago now, losing track. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. My expectations: Be an adult while fighting. He texts me that his out with his friends and hes drunk. This is all so contradictory and Im confused about our relationship. Show that you love them, laugh, argue, help eachother. and guess what? Now, anytime I ask him to do laundry he throws a temper tantrum like a toddler, banging shit around, and still doesnt do the simple task I asked him to do. His temper and his childish attitude and how he has to be right all the time. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. Hes everything youd want in a guy except for the fact that hes not romantic at all, sometimes I feel like he puts no effort into anything. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. We dont even have a date on when we decided to be together. Its hard to let go, especially when all I want is to feel his warmth. (he was asked from her what are u doing, when she replied studying, he texted shall i come to study with u, and she replied there are my friends at my room, and he replied its k.no matter i ll come) But anyway after i saw it i lost my trust on him. You can go through the next 10 years like this cause this man is not miraculously going to change.do not for 1 minute think he is going to suddenly wake up and be who you want him to be. Hi Ella. Does not show any effort at all, but claims to love me so much. But now everything is so plain and horrible. I still have ticket stubs from all the movies we saw and how much trouble weve gotten into together. What can i do to walk out of this toxic relationship? Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? Im dating this guy for 3 years now. He has his mum doing everything for him. Wow!Same here. He has motivation and spends money on doing that but what about me lol, he puts no effort into our relationship. He has some property on the other side of town, he asked me to move in with him to establish a foundation. But you have to become selfless. Gaslighting, deflecting if I try to reasonably communicate how I feel (because I am not allowed to ever have a problem). we see each other once a week, he invites me to his place at 9pm only to sleep together. My boyfriend was CEO of the company when I know him, we both were very attracted to each other, but some how we missed the chance.